Have I Got A Deal For You!

Hello kids!

Today I'm gonna to talk to you about the best deal you're ever gonna get!
For today only, I'm gonna let you have salvation for the low, low price of just one dollar!
That's right! The salvation of your eternal soul for just one little dollar!
Here's what you're gonna get.
You get salvation; that's a free pass to heaven! It's just like a free ride pass at the fair but it never runs out!
You also get this wonderful King James Bible, lovingly and faithfully translated directly from the lips of God Himself just for your personal salvation!

But wait! There's more!

If you buy your salvation before this program finishes, (Remember you also get the free Bible - that's real leather binding. None of that cardboard stuff for you!) I'll throw in this glow in the dark cross with a little Jesus nailed to it so you'll remember he died for your sins. That's a full two inches of Christ's light showing you the way! Jesus will see you crossing the road and keep you safe!

That's the personal salvation, the leather bound bible, and the glow in the dark Christ on the cross - Hallelujah!
All that for the incredibly low price of only one dollar.
Wake your parents! Tell your friends!
Oh! I almost forgot!
See right here where Jesus' feet are bleeding from the nails? (Not the toenails. The hammer in kind of nails.) If you press his holy bloody feet, your glow in the dark Christ on the cross will play the Hallelujah Chorus from start to finish!
Do you want to be the coolest kid in church? Do you want to show those nasty kids that make fun of you for loving Christ that Christ can be cool?
All you need is one dollar!
(And nineteen dollars shipping and handling.)

Tell you what, send the money right now and I'll send you TWO Christ on a cross, Hallelujah singing, glow in the dark crosses!
TWO! That's on top of salvation!
I must be out of my mind to make this deal!
Don't wait!
You can often find money in the sofa, in dad's pants, or mom's purse. (Remember, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission!)
Ah heck, I forgive you before you even send the

money - just 'cause I like you!
Send the money to
X_TEL
PO Box 1111
Yourtown, USA
66666

Offer void where prohibited, which is only in strict Islamic countries. Anywhere else and you're good to go, because this is religious iconery. Ha! We don't even pay taxes! What a great gig!

WARNING!
If your priest wants to examine your Christ on a cross, Hallelujah singing, glow in the dark cross more closely, take a parent with you... just trust me on this one.